Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
