why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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