Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
