I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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