OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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