Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
