i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize