a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
