cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
