i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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