I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
