K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
