am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
