She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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