is your mom at the bar?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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