she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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