you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
