dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
