how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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