The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
