Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
