Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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