i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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