I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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