overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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