so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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