We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
