U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
