Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
