my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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