im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize