Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
