so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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