So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
