oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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