I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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