Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
