You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
