remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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