too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize