I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
