I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
