I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
