erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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