a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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