Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
