Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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