I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
