So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I've blown a few things in my day
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
