capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
