I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize