It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
