I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
