barbara walters just said penis...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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