You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
