Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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