I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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