I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
