Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
