No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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