Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize