If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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