So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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