I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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