Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
