So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
