The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
