This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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