i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
