Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize