Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
