she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
