Umm I'm too high to move.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
