guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
