Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize