It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
