I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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