Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
