my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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