Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
