i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
