...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
