What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
