If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
