I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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