Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
