Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
