Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
