after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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