I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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