So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
