My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
