If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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