So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
