eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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