Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
