my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
